Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
