Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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