i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
