Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
