I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
high people should be assigned attendants
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
