lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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