Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
