We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
