Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
