so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
