After last night, I could never be a politician.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
