Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
