so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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