so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
