i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
