why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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