Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
