i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
