Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
