the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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