We named our party play list daddy issues
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
