I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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