I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
