If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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