I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
