Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
