theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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