I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
