my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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