you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
