I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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