bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
