Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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