when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
