She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
