You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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