All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
