Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
