This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
