So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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