Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
