I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
