Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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