his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I understand Curling. That high.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
