Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
