his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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