She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
