i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
