i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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