what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
