So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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