all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
